Grief and Sorrow

Friday, March 10, 2006
Death of Cat Uncle..Haiz..

Juz received a very sad news today.. Cat Uncle had died.. Haiz..

Received the new from my cousin, aka Jie..

Haiz.. Was really taken aback when I first heard the news from Jie.. I was on MSN halfway when Jie broke the news to me.. That was a really big shock.. Haiz..

Went for the Wake via a cab.. Reached there.. Saw XiaoGu and DaGu and AhGong.. Sat down with them.. Soon, Jie came along..

Was chatting halfway when Jie ask me if wanna go and put the josstick.. I agreed and went with her..

This was almost like our first time attending such a funeral.. While taking the josstick.. Jie's tears started to flow.. I can sense a very deep sadness in her, cos I can feel that too.. Cat Uncle had always been very good to the 2 of us when we were still young, when we were still staying with AhMa on a regular basis..

After that.. Went back to the table and eat the food..

Before we left, Jie suggested to go and take a final look at the body, asking me if I will be scared.. Haiz.. I am not scared.. How will I be scared? Why will I be scared of someone who had been so dear to me when I was still at a very young age? Haiz..

Went to the coffin.. Look thru' the glass panel and see Cat Uncle body.. He was rather black.. Althou' he was known to be very dark, he seems blacker than darker in the coffin.. Overall, he still look a bit rather nice.. At least his face had not sunken in, unlike my another uncle who died a few months ago..

While looking at the body.. I saw someone who sleep peacefully in it.. Someone whom I had respected so much.. Someone so close to my heart.. Someone who really love me and Jie as thou' we are his own kids..
Knowing that he will never be able to see us again, knowing that we will never see him again, my heart starts to feel so heavy.. I wanted to touch to glass panel of the coffin, so as to get closer to him, but dare not, in fear that it may not be allowed religiously..

Jie, who was beside me was crying sadly.. Really sadly.. I lent her my shoulder to cry on.. Haiz.. She was telling me not to control my feelings, cry if I want, cry if I need.. Haiz..

I am very sad.. Really very sad.. I really feel like crying also.. But tears never obey.. I can sense that I am on the verge of tearing, yet the tears will stop before it can flow out of my eyes.. In other words, I had long lost the ability to cry.. I cant cry.. I dunno how to.. Haiz..

When I saw my another uncle died that time, I was very scared that the eyes might just open suddenly.. But now.. Looking at CatUncle's body.. In fact, I am really hoping his eyes can open, telling us that he is not dead.. Telling us that it is all but a spam.. All but a joke.. But I know.. I still cant hide away from reality.. He is really dead.. Haiz..

From here on.. I will give a brief introduction about UncleCat, as a last tribute to the one Uncle who had been so dear in my life, even though he does not belong to my family, not even blood-related..

CatUncle, or Yiao Gu as Jie and I had always called him so affectionately.. From what I had heard, he was only a close friend of my AhGong.. UncleCat got his nickname because he is very good in climbing trees.. His real name was Hong Qing Liang, as written in the chines newspaper, the obitury page..

He was so close to my GrandParents becos he had fell in love with this person whom I dunno is who, but had close relationship with my grandparents.. So he will always come to my grandparents' house in order to get close to that girl.. Soon, they build up a very good friendship.. Unfortunately, he never won over the heart of that girl..

Fast forward.. When my mother had me, CatUncle, who was the only person who had a pickup.. Thus he stayed over at my AhMa's house every night, for fear that my mum will give birth to me anytime at night, so that he can fetch my mother to the hospital immediately when in need..

Fast forward again.. When I was still at a very young age, when I was still staying at my AhMa's house, CatUncle will always bring back home Durians and Crabs for us to eat.. It was also because of him that I learn how to eat and enjoy these 2 delicacies..

Whenever ChineseNewYear came, he will always come to my Grandparents' house and gives out angbao.. He will alway be one of the most generous in angbao money..
Unfortunately for the past few years, he had not been able to come to my Grandparents house, because of poor health.. However, he will stay put the angbao with my AhMa, asking her to pass the angbao to me and Jie.. He will do this every year without fail..

But this is the first year where I didnt receive his angbao.. Perhaps it also meant a bad omen.. Only thing I didnt realise it during that point in time.. Haiz..

According to his daughter.. He had been dianogsed with Cancer around the CNY period.. Haiz.. Becos it was so fast, the doctor didnt even managed to find out at which stage is his CancerCells at the point he passed on.. At the time he found out that he had cancer, he still tell his daughter that he wants to live on, agreeing to receiving the cancer treatment..

2 weeks ago, my aunty even called him.. That time he was already warded in the hospital, but he didnt break the news to my aunty.. He still talk normally.. Haiz.. Little did anyone knows that that will be the last time they will hear from him..

CatUncle stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks.. On tuesday, he went into a short coma.. His eyes had already hung upwards.. But suddenly he woke up again.. He started to seems as thou' he is very energetic.. However, the doctor said that he will not give CatUncle anymore medicine.. He refered CatUncle to the hospise.. A place where people wait there.. To die..

Haiz.. Not wanting him to know.. His daughter told him that she will be bring him to AngMoKio Old Folks Home.. CatUncle only heard the AMK part, thus thinking that he is going back home..

He was warded there at 10am.. He died shortly after, at 5pm.. During his death, none of his family members are there.. Haiz.. Perhaps CatUncle dunwan his close ones to be beside him when he died, not wanting them to feel sad for him.. Haiz..

CatUncle.. May you rest in peace..

posted by Ivan Ee @ 11:59 PM